You're not actually doing "the work" if you're not doing this...

When you're only doing half the process, then you're only getting half the results...

Before I get into today’s post I wanted to share a big milestone for me!

Without getting too deep into it and turning this into a post before a post…

I have always had a very strong and unique relationship with my intuition. For as long as I can remember it’s been as prominent of a voice inside my head as any of my friends, mentors, or parents.

Sometimes I swear there were full dialogs going on inside my head that I was not privvy to the origin of them and that I was not even apart of. Like someone turned a radio on somewhere and it was playing in the background of my life but not music, talking, questions, inquries, etc.

I never told anyone this until I met a friend of mine who is a pyschic medium. And she dead ass looked at me and told me it was probably spirits having conversations among themselves on a subliminal plane and that my abilities were tapping into them.

MY ABILITIES!? I’m sorry!? So there is where the seed of curiosity was planted, and boy have I been growing it.

Again, in the spirit of keeping this short I have been studying and working to hone the gift of channeling and combined with my coaching experience and my background in behaviorial pysch I’m now offering the Soul Alchemy Readings.

The first ten bookings for a 45 minute session are $44, and then will increase to $111 after those first ten. You can book your spot here.

Okay, onto the post for today Xoxo, Thank you all for always supporting me. It means the world. 🫶🏼

Lately there has been a tab open on my brain’s web browser that’s staying curious about what the general public is taking in regarding doing “the work” on and for yourself.

I hear it a lot in dating lately too. The boundary of wanting a partner who has been to therapy or would be open to therapy. Someone who has, “done a lot of work on myself” as a spotlight in the limited characters they give you on dating profiles like trying to express yourself for a potential mate should be paired down to the size of a used car ad. (okay I want to call myself out that if mate is the first word that came up for me in place of partner or significant other — I have officially been reading too much fairy smut and I need to be stopped).

Anyway, don’t get me wrong here, there is a lot to be said about taking the first step. Whether that’s on your own, through therapy, or late night convos with your Spirit Guide Council. The acknowledgement of self is something to be stoked on because it’s like the gateway to the good stuff.

What I see though sometimes circulating in these conversations is that instead of gathering the feedback i.e reactions, triggers, thoughts, feelings, etc and making an informed choice on how we’d like to integrate this new level of awareness we notice what is happening for us and stop the process there before the most transformative part which is integration.

Integration in this case allows us a different neural pathway to start forming within the bounds of safety for your nervous system. It’s not stopping in the middle and saying, well atleast now I know this pattern happens like this I don’t have to be caught off guard when something triggers it.

It’s following through on the magic and allowing the information and the discernment of our wise self (which is informed by who, what, and how we feel good to be) to alchemize the process into developing a different relationship with the trigger all together and then having a better understanding of not only that the trigger exists but why it exists and how you can support yourself to make different choices so that the trigger doesn’t…… trigger or you have a different perspective on the trigger in the future.

My head kind of feels like it’s spinning writing this all out, so I’m going to break it down in an example for you and hopefully this helps.

So typically speaking I am a pretty introverted person in that I have a very limited allotment of energy for social gatherings and then I need a generous amount of alone time and space to collect my thoughts and feelings and sense of self before I can say yes to more people stuff.

Also, in addition to this, I know that when I’m in public and I reach my limit, my tolerance for the uncomfortable realization that my patience is about to get very thin, my body language is going to become aggitated, and my tone with people is going to get curt and I am 1000% terrible at pretending like I give a shit about what you’re saying if I don’t.

I noticed this pattern after many therapy sessions, journaling, and a lot of self-reflection time, so the next time I went out into the world after I now had a finely attuned awareness of this pattern I would reach my limit and then I proceeded to just inform people preemptively that this shift was coming on and that they should brace themselves or I would just leave. They did not like the first part, and frankly I didn’t mind leaving but I didn’t want it to always be about being overly tired.

Think of this like, getting to know yourself and then just having radical acceptence that this is who you are. Which in a lot of ways is perfectly fine, great even in some cases. So many people don’t even get to the point of enough awareness that they can employ communication so pat yourself on the back for this!

And also, this is the place where most people stop. This is where I see the biggest misconception of “the work” people commonly refer to.

There is a second part, and in my opinion, it’s the most valuable and important part.

It’s the part where we ask, “I wonder why I am like this?” and “Is this a pattern that benefits me and those I love around me?”

So, through more therapy, more leaning in and getting curious, more journaling and self-reflection I gathered that my social battery is limited because I grew up in a “do more” household. I know I’m not alone in this so I can imagine your insides are nodding in recognition. Common mantras were, “if you’re going to do it, do it right the first time or you’ll do it again,” and “in this house, we don’t half ass anything.” In conjunction with that, there are common themes of helping before your told, listening to what it means to be ‘good’ and ‘kind’ (especially for women, in my experience) and respecting people (but really we mean obey them).

One of my absolute favorite examples of this is the ever popular, golden rule, “treat others how you want to be treated.” What they forgot to say is that this is not the rule when it comes at the expense of yourself, your safety, your mental and physical well being. Put your mask on first or you’re no good to anyone. This could be a whole post in and of itself. Alas, let me get off this soap box and continue with the point I’m making.

Because these messages are being planted in the formative years they naturally grew into people-pleasing adults who think it’s a noble cause to martyr themselves in the name of being liked then ruffle a single feather for a life where they are actually known.

So how does this tie into my inner child hitting her social battery limit as I’m standing at a dear friend’s birthday party and my insides start screaming in response and I become less than pleasant before I leave all together.

I don’t want to be unhappy at my friend’s birthday. I don’t want to make the people I love cringe when they see the light dying from my eyes as they brace themselves for who I become next. I also don’t want to feel like this, ever really if I’m being honest. Being this overly tired where my adult body wants to drop to her knees and cry is not healthy.

So once I noticed the pattern, inquired internally through therapy, journaling, and self-reflection how I kept finding myself making the same choices to get me there. Hello people-pleasing tedancies (among several others that propped up this overly tired outcome). I got to make the most informed choice on not only how I wanted to change but WHY I wanted to change. Not simply for the experience of my life now but the rewriting of the patterns (the seeds) from then too.

We have the power to do that, and frankly I think it’s so fucking cool.

I learned that I had to start setting some boundaries around what I say yes to prior to the moments of my life that matter the most and the people that share them with me.

Maybe this means I have to sacrifice looking at my inbox for three days because I can not allocate the brain power for my inbox, the project I’m working on, and being the person who enjoys being at my friend’s birthday party.

Maybe I also need to make sure I’m getting more sleep, drinking more water, and moving my body a bit more too.

And let me be extra clear, this isn’t a destination we arrive at, this is a practice. Work is not only a noun but a verb too. The seeds from our formative years are deeeeeep, and there are a lot of them. Have some grace for the process, ask any gardener, sowing the soil is a tiring task.

I also want to mention that you are not obligated to uproot any of it for the sake of anyone else’s comfortability. That’s just a different side to the same people-pleasing coin. It’s about whether or not the pattern, the habit, the behavior is enough for YOU.

This two part practice is about establishing a tolerance for being uncomfortable long enough to find out who we really want to be. Informed not by the way you’ve always been but the hope you feel about what could be.

There’s today’s rabbit hole, I love you so much and if no one has told you lately you are more than capable of doing that thing. Yea it’s a big step, yes it’s going to change your routines and that will be a trial of change but the person you become in the process is going to be able to take a deep breath unlike you’ve been able to do for awhile. Your eyes will clear, the fog will dissapate, and purpose will ignite you.

Go get it babe.

Xx, C

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